The Elusive Perfectly Folded Fitted Sheet

I find more and more that I am a perfectionist. For those of you who know me personally, you will not be shocked by this statement, although you might be shocked at my late admission. OK, so I admit it. I think there is a right way to do everything and I strive to do things that way. It just makes more sense to me. Why do a job unless you do it the very best you can AND with the most efficiency. With working full time, being pregnant, and chasing a toddler, efficiency is the key to my life.
Alas, there is one mythical creature, my unicorn, if you will, that I cannot “catch”. The elusive perfectly folded fitted sheet. You know when you first purchase a new set of sheets how lovely they look in the package, all folded up nice and neat. Four pieces of fabric arranged just so inside that sleeve of plastic, waiting for you to take them out and spread them out on your bed. Oh yes, let’s just admit one more thing while I’m at it. I am such a nut for perfect unwrinkled sheets, that I unashamedly spread newly purchased sheets on my bed without washing them! Because, friends, when you wash the sheets, although they smell delightful, they are not as perfectly smooth as they would be out of the package. I have been known to iron sheets (please stop screaming at me – I realized what a wasted effort that was while still in college and allowed to make stupid mistakes) but when you own a king sized bed (which I have since I was in the 7th grade), ironing those monsters is too time consuming. Coupled with the fact that I have owned a black lab for almost 13 years, ironing was good in theory, until you factor in the black dog hair the clean sheets would inevitably pick up from the floor.
So we’re back to the perfection that comes out of the plastic package. I have always wondered how “they” managed to get such straight lines and how everything fits so wonderfully. Enter my mother in law. Seriously, she is amazing at folding fitted sheets. Like she could fold professionally for those brand new sheets shipping out to all of the Bed Bath & Beyond locations nearest you. It’s amazing; her handiwork is the likes of which I have never seen. I will feely admit that there may have been a time or two when she was coming to our house to watch Emma that I may have left clean sheets on the breakfast table, knowing she might just fold them for us. And then, honestly, if she does fold them, I don’t want to put them on the bed. I’d rather just wash what’s on the bed and put them right back on rather than “waste” the perfectly folded sheets that have been put away. Because they are that pretty. When I finally do use them, I fully expect those little cardboard pieces to fall out as if they were brand new. Now I have asked her to show me countless times how she achieves such magic and she has obliged. I just don’t get it! I have tried and tried and no matter what I do, they end up crooked and looking like I’ve just rolled them up in a ball. Which is what I’ve resigned myself to doing. Seriously. Sure, I fold the flat sheet and the pillowcases and they are beautiful. But the fitted sheet gets rolled up and smashed down as small as I can make it (which still leaves it ten times bigger than the flat sheet) and I stuff them all into the cedar chest at the foot of my bed. I am an official fitted sheet folding failure. Do you have that elusive task that you just can’t make happen? No matter how hard you try? Please tell me I’m not the only one who is faced with such a situation.


…and for all of you who are going to tell me to lighten up, they are just sheets, I know. I get it. I’m way more driven to all things neat and organized than the “normal” person. Heard that more than a few times in my life. So that being said, let’s all just thank Jesus for sending me such a man as Jeffrey Scott Parnell who will not only put up with my quest for household perfectionism, but who also was born to a mother who has perfected what I cannot. Here's to the hope that someday I'll finally grasp what she's saying. [grin]